Still here? Ok then...brace yourself for some sweet, sweet negativity.
I am sick of looking like crap. "Sort your shit out then (or something to that effect" I hear you cry; if only it were that easy. Every week I promise myself I'll be good, I'll try and exercise, try and do my hair in the morning, try and ....try. Then I find myself at this end of the week feeling even worse because I haven't.
I avoid mirrors. I cried yesterday 'cos I didn't want to be filmed and I had agreed to be in some vain hope that I'd be looking better by the time it came around. Wah wah wah... you get the picture.
It's not like I want people to tell me I look good or anything (although that's always nice)...I want to feel good. I want to not have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when it's time to get dressed or when I catch an accidental glimpse of myself in a window or mirror. It will come in time, I know. But patience has never been one of my virtues.
On the upside, Elanor and I have been enjoying having a dance to this today.... dance party!
You know I feel ya.
ReplyDeleteDo you think that, maybe, it is not our weight that is the biggest problem? Do you think maybe we need to work more on the self-loathing? Have you seen the blog 'The Nearsighted Owl'? Rachelle is very fat positive and absolutely STUNNING. She is quite a bit bigger than I am, but when I look at her I see beauty, and when I look at myself I feel queasy!? What is with that? I wonder if maybe I'm going about it all wrong. Afterall, I was still not stoked on myself nearly 20 kilos lighter than I am now.. perhaps I need to work on exercise and well being and just accept the extra size for what it is?
Rambling..
Also - you are crazy beautiful. You might not feel it, but you are. So there.
What Rhiannon said about the crazy beautiful-ness. You both have it. So there!
ReplyDeleteI think you hit the nail on the head there Rhiannon.
ReplyDelete