TTC over share...

Once again, because I am aware that very few people read these ramblings I am going to (potentially) over share and have a rant. Here I go...

We have been TTC #3 in earnest for about 7 months. Now, I know that is not a very long time in the scheme of things and many, many couples try for way longer but it is feeling like FOREVER. It has never taken us more than 3 months before and every month is just a huge downer. Last month and this month it has really upset the Mr too, which has sucked. I guess I didn't realize, being wrapped up in my own crazy-lady-want-a-bebe place that he is quite keen on the idea too. Duh!
We were hoping for a smaller gap between kiddies this time around, but that ain't happening. First off I didn't get a cycle back until Maggie was about 13 months and they have been strange since. In saying that, the last 3 had come down (from 43) to 34 days so we were all ready and amped up for this one to be the same....NAH.

Day 18
Me:(thinking)          Awesome, ovulation some time over this weekend. Hooray!!
                                We'll so make a bebe this time...

My body:                NAH! Period! Sucker.

So it arrives, what we thought to be mid cycle. And breaks my freaking heart. >Insert crazy lady crying inside her wardrobe here< (that was me. I totally did that...)

So now we're kind of confused and unsure of where to go next. The obvious answer is chill out, have sex 3 times a week, every week and wait for it to happen... easier said than done. But we're going to try. I (we) just have to try not to get so attached to the idea of adding to our clan. Again, easier said than done.
I am also going to give night weaning a good go. Really. Well...I'm going to try harder anyway. There is not a period of more than 4 hours, day or night, that Maggie does not feed and I am sure (from research) that this is contributing to the wacky cycles.

I am by no means forgetting or minimizing the fact that we already have two insanely awesome children who we (mostly!) highly enjoy! It does make it hard though when the biggest little says things like "is Mavis in your belly yet? It kind of looks like she is?" and "when are we going to get a baby. Tomorrow? You have to tell me so I can draw it a picture kay?"...the cuteness...sigh.

I know that we could on the TTC rollercoaster for a while longer and while it's not a journey I enjoy, I am trying to be present and connect with the whole experience. Many couples try for years and years without any joy. I know this. It's one of the reasons I want to be a surrogate after our own family is complete.

But for now, I am consumed with the desire to grow a babe in this belly.

Patience.