6/52

A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014 - Elanor

You LOVE to climb trees. Today you were a Mama duck looking for a place to lay her 22,000 ducklings. You are going to be one busy Mama duck!

 

A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014 - Maggie

That smile... gets me every time!

 

joining in with Jodi at practising simplicity

 

spoken word - Hollie McNish

I just cannot get enough of listening to this woman at the moment.

I was first introduced to Hollie when somone shared the video for "embarrassed", a poem about her breastfeeding experience. I was BLOWN AWAY. The way this woman is able to articulate her thoughts, my thoughts, so beautifully yet with real edge is amazing. I cannot take my eyes or ears off her once I have pressed play.

I have often thought about spoken word. It is something I enjoy listening to and I do write a bit but I'm not sure it's something I could do myself. I am a performer, yes, but I don't know if I would be able to let myself be free enough to work up moment and rhythm of this kind.

I'll stick to SW in the shower...

you enjoy Megatron - this one almost had me in tears.

sleep update #2

We have come to a point where Maggie is no longer feeding in the night - I sort of thought this day would never come! She still wakes anywhere between 1 and 4 (last night!) times a night but doesn't ask for BB. Actually, it's pretty weird - some of the times she wakes up and just writhes around, doesn't want cuddles, nothing will help. She writhes and groans/cries for a while then goes back to sleep. It's like she doesn't know how to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep.
While I am OK about the night feeds being dropped (mostly for the quest for bebe #3) because the day feeds remain plentiful I feel sad that she doesn't want to cuddle or be stroked or talk or anything when she's in the writhey place. Luckily not every night waking is like that.

So, I guess night-weaning mission accomplished?! But sleep...yeah... we'll get there!

insert cute sleeping baby photo >

5/52

A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014 - Elanor

You found a frog in the swimming pool and put it on your finger. After a bit of explanation and coaxing you took him off and back into the water but he came right back to you! Joy!

A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014 - Maggie

I told you to go and get ready for the library. You cam back like this. Awesome. 

joining in with Jodi at practising simplicity

4/52

A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014 - Elanor

You LOVE the beach my girl, just like your Mama! You made yourself a black sand beard and were showing off your big muscles. Raaaaaar!

 

A portrait of my daughter, once a week, every week, in 2014 - Maggie

You are not so much a fan of the beach. The sand was fine. Rockpools, fine. But it was the waves, they made you uneasy. While your sister and I dashed in and out of the water you preferred to sit on Dada's knee and watch, with a look of quiet consternation.


joining in with Jodi at practising simplicity
 

TTC over share...

Once again, because I am aware that very few people read these ramblings I am going to (potentially) over share and have a rant. Here I go...

We have been TTC #3 in earnest for about 7 months. Now, I know that is not a very long time in the scheme of things and many, many couples try for way longer but it is feeling like FOREVER. It has never taken us more than 3 months before and every month is just a huge downer. Last month and this month it has really upset the Mr too, which has sucked. I guess I didn't realize, being wrapped up in my own crazy-lady-want-a-bebe place that he is quite keen on the idea too. Duh!
We were hoping for a smaller gap between kiddies this time around, but that ain't happening. First off I didn't get a cycle back until Maggie was about 13 months and they have been strange since. In saying that, the last 3 had come down (from 43) to 34 days so we were all ready and amped up for this one to be the same....NAH.

Day 18
Me:(thinking)          Awesome, ovulation some time over this weekend. Hooray!!
                                We'll so make a bebe this time...

My body:                NAH! Period! Sucker.

So it arrives, what we thought to be mid cycle. And breaks my freaking heart. >Insert crazy lady crying inside her wardrobe here< (that was me. I totally did that...)

So now we're kind of confused and unsure of where to go next. The obvious answer is chill out, have sex 3 times a week, every week and wait for it to happen... easier said than done. But we're going to try. I (we) just have to try not to get so attached to the idea of adding to our clan. Again, easier said than done.
I am also going to give night weaning a good go. Really. Well...I'm going to try harder anyway. There is not a period of more than 4 hours, day or night, that Maggie does not feed and I am sure (from research) that this is contributing to the wacky cycles.

I am by no means forgetting or minimizing the fact that we already have two insanely awesome children who we (mostly!) highly enjoy! It does make it hard though when the biggest little says things like "is Mavis in your belly yet? It kind of looks like she is?" and "when are we going to get a baby. Tomorrow? You have to tell me so I can draw it a picture kay?"...the cuteness...sigh.

I know that we could on the TTC rollercoaster for a while longer and while it's not a journey I enjoy, I am trying to be present and connect with the whole experience. Many couples try for years and years without any joy. I know this. It's one of the reasons I want to be a surrogate after our own family is complete.

But for now, I am consumed with the desire to grow a babe in this belly.

Patience.

sleep update #1...

So, sorry Dr. Jay Gordon, as wonderful as your method sounded I have to admit I have not followed it through. I have decided that the best thing for us at the moment is to just go with what works in the moment. Some nights Maggie will go back to sleep with a cuddle, some nights not. I am consciously trying to delatch her before she is asleep though. Unless I am unconscious, then... not so much.
The main reason for this is that she doesn't make a fuss when I stick a boob in her mouth and it is better for everyone's sleep if the night is quiet. Catch my drift? So for now we will continue to do whatever works at a given time...but with a slightly more conscious (unless I am, as previously mentioned, unconscious) effort not to feed her all the way back to sleep during the night.
Last night she did one of her longest stretches in her whole life EVER - 7pm-12.45am. 5 hours and 45 mins. BOOYAH!
And now you're probably falling asleep at the boringness of my night life. Hey, at least someone is asleep...!!