sleep update #3...

Maggie is now fully off the breast after she feeds to sleep between 7 and 7.30 (sometimes earlier) until around 6am. Sometimes she wakes up once in that period...sometimes she doesn't wake up at all!! Joy!

BUT...

Elanor is a sleep walker. I think her mind works over time, even at night (a bit like her Daddy) and the last few nights she has been getting up an weeing in strange places. Always fun. Not. I am hoping that once she starts big kindy next week this will settle down. We've been talking about it a bit in preparation so perhaps she is a bit apprehensive and that is causing her to walk more. She has also started, seperate from the sleep walking, screaming in the night to wake Maggie up. She has told us it's on purpose. INFURIATING! She won't go back to sleep in her own bed without a fight. There's no room in our bed and she won't sleep on the floor in our room. I have resorted to a sticker chart where she gets a sticker if she has a good night then 10 stickers = a treat of her own choosing. Let's see how it goes.

Ain't that always the way - one thing gets better then something else comes along to rock the boat.

Hey, that's parenthood ya'll!!

spoken word - Hollie McNish

I just cannot get enough of listening to this woman at the moment.

I was first introduced to Hollie when somone shared the video for "embarrassed", a poem about her breastfeeding experience. I was BLOWN AWAY. The way this woman is able to articulate her thoughts, my thoughts, so beautifully yet with real edge is amazing. I cannot take my eyes or ears off her once I have pressed play.

I have often thought about spoken word. It is something I enjoy listening to and I do write a bit but I'm not sure it's something I could do myself. I am a performer, yes, but I don't know if I would be able to let myself be free enough to work up moment and rhythm of this kind.

I'll stick to SW in the shower...

you enjoy Megatron - this one almost had me in tears.

sleep update #2

We have come to a point where Maggie is no longer feeding in the night - I sort of thought this day would never come! She still wakes anywhere between 1 and 4 (last night!) times a night but doesn't ask for BB. Actually, it's pretty weird - some of the times she wakes up and just writhes around, doesn't want cuddles, nothing will help. She writhes and groans/cries for a while then goes back to sleep. It's like she doesn't know how to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep.
While I am OK about the night feeds being dropped (mostly for the quest for bebe #3) because the day feeds remain plentiful I feel sad that she doesn't want to cuddle or be stroked or talk or anything when she's in the writhey place. Luckily not every night waking is like that.

So, I guess night-weaning mission accomplished?! But sleep...yeah... we'll get there!

insert cute sleeping baby photo >

TTC over share...

Once again, because I am aware that very few people read these ramblings I am going to (potentially) over share and have a rant. Here I go...

We have been TTC #3 in earnest for about 7 months. Now, I know that is not a very long time in the scheme of things and many, many couples try for way longer but it is feeling like FOREVER. It has never taken us more than 3 months before and every month is just a huge downer. Last month and this month it has really upset the Mr too, which has sucked. I guess I didn't realize, being wrapped up in my own crazy-lady-want-a-bebe place that he is quite keen on the idea too. Duh!
We were hoping for a smaller gap between kiddies this time around, but that ain't happening. First off I didn't get a cycle back until Maggie was about 13 months and they have been strange since. In saying that, the last 3 had come down (from 43) to 34 days so we were all ready and amped up for this one to be the same....NAH.

Day 18
Me:(thinking)          Awesome, ovulation some time over this weekend. Hooray!!
                                We'll so make a bebe this time...

My body:                NAH! Period! Sucker.

So it arrives, what we thought to be mid cycle. And breaks my freaking heart. >Insert crazy lady crying inside her wardrobe here< (that was me. I totally did that...)

So now we're kind of confused and unsure of where to go next. The obvious answer is chill out, have sex 3 times a week, every week and wait for it to happen... easier said than done. But we're going to try. I (we) just have to try not to get so attached to the idea of adding to our clan. Again, easier said than done.
I am also going to give night weaning a good go. Really. Well...I'm going to try harder anyway. There is not a period of more than 4 hours, day or night, that Maggie does not feed and I am sure (from research) that this is contributing to the wacky cycles.

I am by no means forgetting or minimizing the fact that we already have two insanely awesome children who we (mostly!) highly enjoy! It does make it hard though when the biggest little says things like "is Mavis in your belly yet? It kind of looks like she is?" and "when are we going to get a baby. Tomorrow? You have to tell me so I can draw it a picture kay?"...the cuteness...sigh.

I know that we could on the TTC rollercoaster for a while longer and while it's not a journey I enjoy, I am trying to be present and connect with the whole experience. Many couples try for years and years without any joy. I know this. It's one of the reasons I want to be a surrogate after our own family is complete.

But for now, I am consumed with the desire to grow a babe in this belly.

Patience.

chuckles...

I was looking back through old posts from 2012 and found the ones about the no-cry sleep solution. As you can tell from my almost forgetting that it ever happened, it didn't go too well. And here we are...at almost 2 years old, waking every two hours in the night for a boob. It doesn't bother me all that much - I've become used to functioning on such little sleep, mostly - but baby number 3 is never going to come along with such frequent night nursings. Not so much the finding the time or being too tired for the party but more the physiological luteal phase/cycle related things...
And so, we've turned to Dr Jay Gordon's changing sleep patterns in the family bed. By all accounts it seems to be gentle but also effective. We'll see.
I think, before we disliked the frequent waking but not so much that we were willing to make it worse to make it better. Now we're ready. We're ready to get her back to sleep in other ways and while it may take longer (and be louder) at first *hopefully* after that it'll get better. Right?
The basic gist as I understand it is for 3 nights, between 11pm and 6am, you give them a short feed but take them off before they're asleep and just cuddle until they are. The next 3 nights you miss out the feeding part and just go straight to the cuddling (this is the part I am DREADING). Then the next 4 nights you talk and touch/rub/pat but as minimal as possible.
I really want to continue feeding during the day and outside those 7 hours so this seems to be a good plan for us at the moment.
I am nervous but hopeful and prepared to be even more exhausted for the next little while.

new year...

With the new year I am thinking about returning to this place, if only to join in with the 52 weeks project over at practising simplicity (I'm well aware that I'm two weeks behind!). I think it would be good for me to document, mainly for myself, these girls as they grow.

Goals in this household for 2014 -
simplify (everything)
we started out well, having a huge clean out on boxing day. We have had another one since and four trips to the Sallies later (who could believe it!) we are feeling a lot lighter.

get better at what I do (sewing-wise)
In 2013 I started selling my little foxes at markets and on facebook. This year I plan to add a few things to the repertoire and to hone my skills. I also want to sew as much as possible (as time allows) for the girls.
Here's my facebook page - cuttapea

intentional time with each girl
The days fly by and this year I want to make a real effort to spend time with the girls as individuals. Because Maggie still feeds quite heavily it is easy for me to steal moments with her but Elanor proves more tricky...I guess that's what happens as the bigger one becomes more and more independent and needs you to do less and less for them? So, intentionally making time for each.

intentional adult time
not that kind of adult time! There seems to be very little time in our day for talking uninterrupted, pottering in the garden, spending time nourishing each other. Trite, but this year we are planning to have a "date" a month - go out for fro yo, take a walk...nothing too crazy (read, expensive) as well as trying to take a moment each day to reconnect.

finish my LLL leadership
I was recently asked if I'd like to work towards becoming a La Leche League leader and jumped at the chance! I plan to finish it all before the end of this year. That's the plan anyway...

more sleep
always! Maggie is a shocker so...there is no plan on how to help her sleep longer/more but...

keep gardening
this is more the husband guy's domain than mine but I'm learning a lot and loving it. We are working towards being able to provide (mostly) for ourselves, one day. Also, I just bought 3 chickens - Marjorie, Unicorn-sparkle and Buttercup.

So, come at us 2014! Let's see what happens...

mental health time...

Lately I have been feeling a little...well, not good. I guess all the things that come with having small ones - tired, messy...like all I do is change, wipe, wash, hang, repeat...there are only so many games of hide and seek a Mama can play with a toddler who tells you exactly where she's going to hide first! In short, it was time for some mental health time and a near perfect opportunity presented itself....

It was so good to just lie for a couple of hours, talk, have time to think and I even almost nodded off at one point! And now I feel that my equilibrium has been restored and I am refreshed and ready to change, wipe, wash and hang with new vigor!

Some people like hot stone massages and facials...but I'd rather get stuck with a high speed neddle over and over...go figure.

Plus, to make the boys at Custom Collective even more super cool, they don't even bat an eyelid at a bit of baby-feeding in the shop. Chur!

late night nursery rhymes...

hickory dickory dock

the time is two o'clock

in the am, not the pm but it's pretty much the same.

diddle diddle dumpling sleepy grin

one boob out, one boob in

in out, in out, shake it all about

please, just drink.

now I lay me down to sleep...

see saw margery daw

what's that baby, you want some more?

I can't work any faster.

star light, star bright

here comes the morning light

this little piggy went weeweegiggleburpcry all the way home.

it's raining, it's pouring

is that daddy snoring?

he's gone back to sleep, but what's the use in being awake

it's me you want.

need.

 

 

spring sprung...

it is definitely feeling like spring is beginning to ...spring (?) around here at the moment. Today we had our lunch al fresco out back and played in the grass for a while.

after the food was gone, Elanor was nowhere to be seen - as per...it seems like that girl never stops! It is days like these that I am SO grateful that my babes have all this green to run, roll and crawl around in; trees to climb, hills to slide down, sheep to talk to and all without leaving home. Blessed.

bring on a weekend full of this, please and thank you...

and we're back...

after pity-party-5000 last week, we found things to make us smile this weekend. Including but not limited to a new character, Elanor breastfeeding Dora, sweet shades, new slippers, a pirate baby and Maggie looking up ways to use our land with Dada...

onwards and upwards

xx

If we're offending you please feel free to put a blanket over your head...

BFF #5: Remarkably, your breasts will only produce as much milk as your baby needs, no more and no less. When you start breastfeeding, your breasts will start producing more milk, but as feedings slow down, your body just naturally stops producing it. Magic!

I have never been afraid to nurse in public, right from the word go. I think it is due to super support from my husband and family and to thinking about it logically - baby needs food, feed baby.
I understand that some women do not feel comfortable feeding in public, something which is not made easier when people make comments like "why do you have to flop 'em out here"...and other such charming "tit" related comments. Please at least say breast or boob even and make yourself sound a tad more classy. Anyway...I digress.
I am always discreet about it but never hide. No blankets here thank you! More trouble than it's worth if you ask me. But that's me.

having a "coffee" out with Nana

frozen treats...

BFF #4: if babe has a bunged up nose, squirt some milk up it!

This is most of the milk I have collected since Maggie was born - around 3.6L of it.

The thing is....I'm going to have to use lots of it in the next 2-4 months... eep! I have connected with the Human Milk 4 Human Babies Aotearoa network so am hoping to give some away to someone that needs it.
Mags is not interested in a bottle and I don't want it going to waste really. I am still collecting about 400-600mL a week too. Got Milk? Heck yeah we do!

weaning...or not...

BFF #3: breast milk can be used to get rid of warts - true story!

I often find myself wondering how long Maggie will feed for (already?! I hear you screaming). Only because one day, out of the blue, at 10 months old Elanor just stopped. She was still feeding around 4-6 times a day and just stopped. I tried offering her the breast for about 2 weeks with the only result being me getting upset, so finally gave it up as a lost cause. It really threw me off...I was, for some reason, expecting a nice gentle weaning period. Not so. Which is why I wonder whether the same thing will happen again, or not.

check those delicious rolls!

 For now we are just packing on the pounds! Unfortunately that refers to both of us...but that's for another day. sigh.

sweet, milky dreams...

Last feed before a big sleep...always a sweet one.

Night night

on demand...

BFF #2: almost three-quarters of mamas produce more milk with their right breast (no correlation to being right or left - handed).

I have never been one to parent to a schedule and feeding is no different. With both babes this is where you have generally found me from 7.30pm until around anywhere between 9 and 10pm (when I slink with sleeping babe down to bed)...feeding. Cluster feeding.
Elanor gave this "routine" up around 6 months and just had a "dinner" feed then a "supper" feed. It will be interesting to see whether Maggie does the same. Either way, we just roll with the punches in this whare.

Sitting like this for 2 hours gives me the perfect excuse to watch Coronation St., read books and/or stare at my ever changing little one.

Breastfeeding week...

1st to 7th of August is Worldwide Breastfeeding Week, so I figured a shot a day of the little one at boob wouldn't go amiss... accompanied by some breastfeeding fun facts and some stories from the milky pirates of this household.

BFF#1:  Breastfed baby poo stinks less than formula fed baby poo - that's gotta be a plus!

this is how feeding is for us most of the day at the moment...Elanor has to get amongst the action...

Maggie is a great feeder, Jason calls her the BoobHound! If she is in his arms and I come in close enough for her to smell or see she'll wriggle and wriggle in my direction until he relinquishes her. Kind of have to feel sorry for Dadas but hey. get some boobs and make some tasty milk...then we'll talk.